why I decided to write when everything went wrong

introducing Between the Heartbreaks

There’s a vulnerability with writing. Especially when it leaves the pages of a journal you have tucked between stacks of books and mail. When you decide to put your thoughts out into the world, it’s terrifying. I didn’t think much of it when I started writing here. It was an outlet I desperately needed. My first post was nearly a year ago, and I was in a very different setting.

A year ago, I started typing into the journal app on my phone as I sat next to my daughter’s crib in the hospital. I’m not sure how I went from the app to creating a Substack, but eventually I posted it, and people liked it. So I kept posting little notes and thoughts. It was an escape for me. With everything crumbling around me, I could still capture these moments in between it all.

A week after my daughter passed, I wrote again. I didn’t plan for the theme of grief to overtake my writing, but it did. It lives in everything I write going forward. It’s essential to who I am. Grief, beyond what people think, doesn’t go away. It’s not linear, and it’s not the same in everyone.

With each article I write, an evil voice speaks from the base of my skull. No one wants to hear about your sadness. Why don’t you get over it already? It’s been nearly a year. Why are you still talking about losing your daughter? You lost a subscriber because they are sick of reading about it. No one cares. No one cares. No one cares.

Of course, I tamp down those thoughts and post anyway, because what I tell myself is what I told myself when I published my first romance book three years ago; even if my story reaches one person and makes an impact on them, it’s worth it. Even if that person is me. This is what keeps me writing. Writing has helped me process my grief more thoroughly than anything else I’ve tried. So, I’m going to keep writing about it.

Grief has made me a better writer, ten months later. It’s as if a shell was cracked over this barrier I kept surrounding myself. I thought, “Why keep this all in?” Because I think there’s strength in being vulnerable. A few months ago, I revisited the manuscript for my second novel. In Falling Again, one of the main characters has lost both of his parents. I completely rewrote his grief journey, knowing what I know about grief. The story before was great, but now, it’s impactful. I know, when I finally release it to the world, it will resonate with so many who are going through the journey themselves.

If you noticed, the publication name changed! Mostly Nonsense served me well for the time being, but there’s definitely a theme in my writing, and so, I wanted to give it justice. For the happy moments and heavier times, Between the Heartbreaks is where I will continue to put my personal journey into words and share the behind-the-scenes of my romance novel writing. Things may get real, but I will always try to find that silver lining.

Thanks for reading, and if you haven’t already, go check out my first novel, Already Falling. It’s about second chances, childhood crushes, small towns, and plans unraveling.

Available on KU, e-reader, and Paperback

xoxo

Anjelica